“Psychology: Try 'chillaxin' into the new year” plus 1 more

Psychology: Try 'chillaxin' into the new year

Posted: 30 Dec 2010 11:07 AM PST

The word "chillaxin" might be considered a linguistic nightmare and an annoyance by some people since it was created in 2009. But it's a fun word because it combines the ideas of both "chilling" and "relaxing" to represent a deeper form of soothing in a world filled with stress. Despite its possible drawbacks, it may be a good word to describe the best approach for the coming new year.

Why would chillaxin be a good philosophy to adopt for the new year? Mostly because many of our problems in life stem from attempts to control things that are out of our control. When you think about it, isn't it true that much of our distress stems from our desire and efforts to make situations different from how they actually are? The trouble is, we often go about this without thinking through the realities of what we can actually achieve or influence.

Don't we all often worry about things that are far beyond our control. We worry about the weather, the stock market, natural disasters, terrorists and most of all, other people. The list goes on and on and is pretty much limited only by imagination. Yet, of all the different things on most people's worry list, almost none of them are actually amenable to change.

Take worrying about other people for example. How many times do we wish that other people would say, think or do something differently? We wish our neighbors would be quieter, or our spouse would be more thoughtful, or our children would behave differently, or other driver's would be more courteous, or our favorite football team's offensive and defensive coordinators would be more aggressive, or ....well, you get the point. And of course the reality is that we have very little, if any, control over any of them. And that is why chillaxin is so important for 2011.

Think of how many times your blood pressure, anxiety, fear or frustrations have been peaked by some desire for people or situations to be different from how they are. These strong emotions may sometimes provide the temporary illusion that we are connected to the situation or have some control over things, but it rarely pans - often leaving us even more frustrated and stressed.

As one thoughtful person once commented, "People and things are as they are for a reason and because of this there is no reason that they should be any different from how they are." Said more succinctly, things happen and rarely do we actually have control over them. This philosophy means that our real challenge in life lies in adapting to and accepting what is happening, not in beating our heads against the proverbial wall trying to change things.

This chillaxin attitude is embodied in the "Serenity Prayer" written by the theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr. In that piece he asks God to, "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." In other words, learning to let go and accept things as they are and to stop worrying about them or trying to change them, may truly be the secret to happy living.

This is especially true when it comes to trying to control other people. In general, people are inclined to do what they want to do and our efforts to control them are usually self-defeating. It is also very damaging to the relationship to try and control another person. It is amazing how much time and energy many of us spend trying to get other people to do what we want them to do, usually to no avail. If someone else isn't internally motivated or interested in doing what we may want them to do it isn't usually worth the effort to try and persuade them.

There is a big differences between influencing someone as opposed to controlling them. If a situation is of enough importance, it is OK to try and persuade or influence someone to move them in your direction. The key is to be sure that the other person is truly the primary catalysts for their actions based upon their own motivation, as opposed to being bullied or manipulated. Sometimes, new information or helping others see things in a different way can help them move in your direction, but for it to be successful they have to be the one who willingly does so.

So how can you start putting your new chillaxin philosophy to work in your real life? It might help to expend some effort everyday controlling the one person that you need to control - you. By getting enough rest, eating well and exercising, you lay the groundwork for a well-reasoned, non-controlling lifestyle. It may also help to take your deep breath every day and repeat the phrase, "I cannot control other people, places or things ... my best approach to living is to simply try my hardest to control me." By focusing your energy on you in a healthy way, you establish a greater sense of confidence and a much higher quality of life.

One of the cornerstones of most major philosophies and spiritual views is to be able to "let go" and allow life to happen, rather than always trying to squeeze it and guide it where we think we want it to go. If you catch yourself trying to control too much, make sure to practice pulling back within your own zone to reset things. The more often you don't try to do everything and you practice letting go, the easier it will be.

So to make chillaxin your new philosophy of 2011 it may take some practice to form a new habit of letting things go. To make your new philosophy stick, it is important to spend some time each day reminding yourself that it is important to let things go and to live in the moment. That by letting things happen without trying to control them, you save an amazing amount of life energy and avoid untold frustration. So, as is often the case, if you really want change this new year, look to the person in the mirror first.

Dr. Scott E. Smith is a licensed clinical psychologist with Spectrum Behavioral Health in Annapolis and Arnold. For services or ideas regarding this column, call 410-757-2077 or write to 1509 Ritchie Highway, Suite F, Arnold, MD 21012.

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Pacific grad student releases kids' album

Posted: 29 Dec 2010 08:47 PM PST

Published: Tuesday, December 28, 2010, 8:30 AM Updated: Wednesday, December 29, 2010, 8:34 PM

Anna Antonia Giedwoyn might have scribbled lyrics to children's songs in the margins of her grad school psychology books.

In early December, the 33-year-old graduate student in Pacific University's doctoral psychology program released her first CD, "Goldfish Don't Eat Pizza," a collection of 22 songs she composed during her first year in the program.

"For graduate students, too little sleep and too much work are part of the job description," she said. "Add a project as ambitious as writing and recording an album in addition to being a grad student, however, and life gets even more interesting."

During her second year, Giedwoyn juggled classes, research and practicum with arranging, rehearsing and recording the songs. She enlisted Portland pianist Matt Tabor to help with arranging and worked with musicians, Zach Sears, Keith Fleming, David Krough, Brent Swans, Marya Kazmierski, Sam Tabor, Scott Killops, Fletcher Nemeth and Jordan Leff in the recording studio.

"It was an incredibly fruitful period," she said.

Now in her third year, she's going to school, promoting the album and planning a series of public appearances in which she will perform songs from the CD. She calls the music "organic."

"By organic, I mean the music promotes health and well being," she said. "Organic refers to the lyrics and values of the music."

"I want to help people through both psychology and music," Giedwoyn said. In both arenas, people can be helped to understand and accept differences and, especially, to embrace unconditional self-acceptance, she added.

"I see it in my (psychology) clients who have difficulty functioning in the world," she said.

Giedwoyn is a lifelong vocalist who first sang in public when she was a preschooler, performed her own composition on local television at age 9, and accumulated an extensive resume of school musicals, solo performances in high school and college, and work with choirs and a cappella groups.

She studied music and theatre in London, graduated from Lewis & Clark College, and worked as a journalist at both KGW and KATU. Also a dancer and artist, she did the CD cover art herself.

The grad student/musician life is grueling for Giedwoyn, who commutes to her classes in Hillsboro from her home in Portland and lately has been making the rounds to local television studios for on-air interviews and singing, accompanying herself on acoustic guitar.

Performing solo also has meant reworking the studio arrangements used on the CD and being her own public relations, advertising and marketing person. "Creating the CD was easy - the fun part," said Giedwoyn. "The challenge now is how to disseminate the music."

"Goldfish Don't Eat Pizza" is available from Giedwoyn's Web site, AnnaAntoniaMusic.com, through ITunes and will soon be on CDBaby.

Psychology

Thursday, December 30, 2010